Ladies, Take Your Seat at the Table

Women, Stop Undermining Your Own Voice—Here’s How to Speak Up with Strength

I was sitting in a coffee shop the other day, minding my own business (sort of), when I overheard a conversation that made my leadership senses tingle.

A woman sat down across from a man—her boss, from what I gathered. He asked for her feedback, an opportunity most employees wish they had. And what did she do?

She complained.
She whined.
She played the victim.

And her boss? He sat there nodding, disengaged, and most likely was mentally filing this meeting under “Never Doing This Again.”

Why Do Women Struggle to Speak Up Without Sounding Negative?

Here’s the deal—women don’t lack insight or intelligence. They lack a communication strategy that commands attention.

The data backs this up:

  • Men are 64% more likely to state their needs outright in workplace settings (Harvard Business Review).
  • Women are 32% more likely to soften feedback to avoid seeming aggressive (LeanIn.Org).
  • Men say “I need” or “We should,” while women default to “I feel” or “I’m concerned.”

The result? Men’s feedback is seen as strategic. Women’s? Emotional, whiny, or worst of all—dismissible.

This isn’t about changing your personality—it’s about upgrading your delivery.

Here’s How to Own Your Voice Like a Leader (Not a Victim)

Want to be heard, respected, and taken seriously? Take a page out of the guy manual for tough conversations.

1. Drop the Disclaimers

Stop saying:

  • “I don’t want to sound negative, but…”
  • “I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way…”
  • “I feel like…”

Instead, say:

  • “Here’s what I need to be effective.”
  • “This isn’t working. Let’s improve it by…”

Clarity isn’t rude—it’s leadership.

2. Watch Your Body Language

The way you sit, stand, and gesture determines how people receive your words.

Don’t:

  • Slouch, cross your arms, or shrink into the background.
  • Play with your hair, fidget, or avoid eye contact.

Do:

  • Sit upright, lean in slightly, and maintain steady eye contact.
  • Use purposeful gestures—own your space.

Your words matter, but your presence seals the deal.

3. Make It Business, Not Personal

The moment you frame your feedback with feelings instead of facts, you lose power.

Don’t say:

  • “I feel like no one listens to me.”
  • “I just don’t think this is fair.”

Instead, say:

  • “For this project to succeed, here’s what we need.”
  • “I expect clear deadlines to be effective in my role.”

Shift from emotion to execution.

4. State Your Expectation Clearly

Leaders don’t guess what you need—they respond when you tell them directly.

Weak ask:

  • “I wish we had better communication.”

Power move:

  • “I need a weekly 10-minute check-in to stay aligned on priorities.”

If you don’t ask for it, you won’t get it. Period.

Bottom Line: Speak Like a Leader, Not a Victim

You don’t have to be louder to be heard—you have to be smarter in how you deliver your message.

Ditch the apologies.
Cut the complaints.
Stop waiting for permission.

Be clear.
Be concise.
Be unapologetically direct.

Now, it's your turn: What is one thing you will do as a result of reading this post? What will change? 

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